Tuesday, November 25, 2014

30 Mental Life Hacks

I've really been enjoying my stay back here in California. Seeing old, comfortable friends and teachers, revisiting familiar grounds, homemade food, purple hair...

Well, not really. It was supposed to be a pinkish purple, but ended up being a purplish pink. I'm not fussy, it'll look cooler once it fades out and blends. Can't do anything about the color, so I won't dwell on it.

In visiting my old high school, I realized I don't really have a lot friends there. Sure, I knew people, and I used to talk to them, but I never considered them my friends. I would've been more comfortable waving than stopping to talk. Then again, I know of one under upperclassman that I really wanted to see, but didn't. A thousand curses upon eye exams.

---

I Need Some Sleep, by Eels



I've really had a thing for quiet music lately. Hmmm.

---

Yesterday I wrote "25 Things I Needed To Hear," in which I listed 25 encompassing things I've discovered to bear in mind when struggling through life. I really enjoyed doing it because I believe I am primarily a pessimist more so than an optimist, and it felt good focusing on the inevitable and hopeful things in life - both a pessimistic and optimistic outlook.

Therefore, I want to create another list today, this one not so serious. While it will still have advice, it won't be so serious and deep. More like... serious life hacks? I don't know how to word it.

So, this time I present:

30 Mental Life Hacks
  1. Always keep a water bottle in your car.
  2. Get something new where you go to eat often. Don't stick with your regular.
  3. Make a budget for yourself - and keep to it. But give yourself some play money every once in a while too, so you don't miss out on being with friends just because you were too frugal to splurge. 
  4. Carry a lighter if you travel around a lot - even if you don't smoke. They can be very handy.
  5. If you're texting someone, and are nervous about sending it, SEND IT. You wrote it for a reason.
  6. Prioritize those you miss at 2 in the afternoon when you're working, not 2 in the morning when you're lonely.
  7. Coupons. Coupons are good.
  8. Stay out/up late if you want to, but be sure to wake up early on some of the following mornings instead of sleeping in all the time. You'll be glad you had all of your day.
  9. If someone's talking and you think of something to say, discreetly extend one finger. That way, you won't interrupt the person, but you also won't forget you wanted to say something.
  10. If something makes you laugh until you can't breathe, save it (somehow) for a rainy day. Hoard the things that make you laugh.
  11. If you're nervous about buying something, round the price up. That way, you'll always have money left over.
  12. If your favorite band is in town, go to any and all lengths to see them. Trust me, you won't regret it. Just go to concerts in general, especially outdoor ones. If you want, get drunk with your (trusted) friends - not sloppy drunk, just enough to dance and scream your favorite songs without embarrassment. If you can do that without influence (like I thankfully can; I don't drink) then that's even more reason to go.
  13. Keep a change of old clothes in your car at all time, preferably shoes too. You can never be too careful.
  14. It's okay to pity yourself every once in a while, but check yourself before you dig that hole too deep.
  15. If you think that daring new shirt is cool, though not necessarily your "style," WEAR IT. Don't worry about what others think. You'll look fantastic, I promise.
  16. Keep at least $20 cash on you at all times. You never know when you're going to need cab/bus fare, and not all restaurants split checks.
  17. Don't over-plan your life. Leave a little room for improv. It's nice having stability, but it's nicer having freedom of choice at a fork in the road, where either choice can still let you get to where you ultimately want to be.
  18. Plan out your off days with your friends in advance. You don't want to waste time puttering around, bouncing back and forth the question of, "I dunno, what do you wanna do?"
  19. If someone compliments you, smile and say, "Thanks." Don't be bashful. In most cases, they wouldn't have said it unless they meant it.
  20. Remember to tell your friends, in one way or another, how much they mean to you. You choose the method you're most comfortable with.
  21. If you struggle with acne, above all else, DRINK MORE WATER. Don't waste money on expensive medical creams and washes before giving yourself at LEAST five days of drinking 30% more water than you usually do. It'll keep you hydrated as well - always a good thing.
  22. Aim to be better, not bitter.
  23. While there is such thing as over-packing, don't be afraid to bring along some extra choices. You'll be glad you have options.
  24. If you can, take those extra hours at work. The paycheck will make it worth it.
  25. Clean your room and make your bed, you slob. It'll look much nicer, and you'll feel better you did it. Here's a reassuring opinion: I find that once you get started, it's extremely easy and enjoyable to keep going. No excuses.
  26. You might want to look tan, but looking good isn't worth sunburn or skin cancer. Use at least SPF 30. You'll still tan. No excuses.
  27. If you have to make the first move, make the first move. It's scary, but someone's gotta do it.
  28. Take plenty of pictures. Pictures, pictures, pictures. Of the landscape, of your friends, your pet, your food, the sunsets, selfies. Everything. Memories doesn't last forever without a little help.
  29. You're allowed to be happy. Don't worry if other people expect otherwise, or whisper behind your back. Do what makes you tick.
  30. Don't resist being a little crazy sometimes. No one ever made memories of quiet nights just like all the rest. "When your life flashes before your eyes, make sure it's worth watching." Throw a little spice in there, every now and then.
---

Good luck. You do you.

Monday, November 24, 2014

25 Things I Needed to Hear

You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me, by Cher (from "Burlesque")



I thought it was an appropriate song for this post.

---

If you were anything like me during my middle/high school years, you probably struggled a lot through life by trial and error. But I don't pretend to be an all-knowing college student now, either. It's one of my goals to never think I know best based solely on seniority. 

But there are a lot of things I know now that would have helped a lot when I was younger. Not only in boosting my confidence, but in improving social relations with my peers. Therefore, I have compiled yet another list, this one all about advice to the younger generation (and maybe even the older one too), to give them a heads up about what's coming, and for myself to look back on during those inevitable bad days.

Thus, I present:

25 Things I Needed to Hear
  1. You are stronger than you think.
  2. You are crueler than you think.
  3. The smallest words will break you.
  4. You'll forget your email password years from now, but you'll remember the throwaway preference that one best friend had that even they did not expect you to remember.
  5. You will change. You're not the same you were five years ago, let alone five minutes ago, and that's okay. Especially if you didn't like the person you used to be.
  6. People come, and people go. Some are incense burners, others are forest fires.
  7. You don't have to open the curtains or the door if you don't want to.
  8. You body loves you. It works 24/7 to keep you alive, and that's all it has to live for. It breathes when you sleep, heals bones when they break, stops cuts from bleeding, finds ways to beat the illness before it gets to you. You body literally loves you so much. Love it back.
  9. You won't like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.
  10. Never stop yourself from talking to them if you need to. No matter the time. They will understand.
  11. Find a safe place. Doesn't matter if it's the living room floor or the back corner of a coffee shop or up in a tree. Just make sure you have somewhere safe.
  12. You will have all kinds of phobias - spiders, heights, darkness, eating alone - but your biggest fear will be that others will see you the way you see yourself.
  13. Make friends with the broken people, the scarred survivors of this world. They know how to pull through.
  14. People say "I love you" in so many different ways. "You can have the last fry," or "Take an umbrella, it's raining," or "You're such a dork." Learn to listen for it.
  15. Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes, someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.
  16. You can love and hate someone all at one. You can miss them so much you ache, but still ignore a text they send.
  17. Prioritize your mental health over your academic success. 
  18. Loneliness and being alone are two totally different things. One is a state of mind, the other is a state of being. You will feel both.
  19. Instant hot chocolate takes two minutes to make, and tea takes three. Neither requires culinary expertise. Indulge yourself when you need it.
  20. If you have a pet in your life, you've no idea of the honor. To them, you are their whole world. Love them as much as they unconditionally love you. Let them make you smile.
  21. There is honesty, and then there is brutal honesty. Know the difference, and know who can or can't stand each.
  22. You are good at something, even if it's remembering birthdays or figuring out what makes different people laugh. Don't let anyone ever tell you those things don't matter.
  23. Never assume something of anyone, be it of the friend you've known your whole life or the dude on the streets. Likewise for arguments; if you've got a problem with someone, there's an 85% chance they have a different story, where you might even be the villain. 
  24. Stay alive on the off chance that tomorrow is the day it all changes.
  25. Be the person you needed when you were younger. 
And most importantly, you will be okay.

That is all.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Extensive Rant on Racism

I have mentioned multiple times that I am taking an introductory course to dance and culture, and it was the class that I was looking forward to the most at the end of this summer. I hate it now, but that's not the point. I was supposed to write an essay comparing two dance cultures. I forget what the other one was now (this was about a month ago), but I remember the second culture was Muslim. As in, traditional, original Muslim belly dancing.

I didn't know whether belly dancing was one word or two, so I just typed it into the search bar, no spaces, and hit enter, knowing Google would either correct me or present websites and articles that showed the correct spelling. As it turns out, belly dancing is two words.

I was about to go back to writing my essay when a link with a special little title caught my eye: "Why I can't stand white belly dancers."

So naturally, I clicked on it to see what it was really about, because surely, Salon wouldn't publish an article that was actually so blatantly racist, right?

Holy frick.

Sit your sanctimonious butt down, Randa Jarrar, and listen up because you done pissed me off and s***'s about to get real.

I am a systematic person, so I will go down her ridiculous article in order. If you chose not to read the article (which I highly do not advise), that's fine because I'll be quoting her absurd comments anyways.

Google the term “belly dance” and the first images the search engine offers are of white women in flowing, diaphanous skirts, playing at brownness.

Playing at brownness? You think they belly dance to try to appear brown? You really think they belly dance, not because it is enjoyable, or because it boosts their confidence, but because to appear brown is a desirable trait in America? I don't know where Jarrar got the idea that belly dancing is accepted by society, because the words that first come to mind to describe belly dancers are not very nice: slut, prostitute, stripper. The whole the-more-skin-you-show-the-less-intelligent-you-are thing. You think they want to appear this way?

The term “belly dance” itself is a Western one. In Arabic, this kind of dance is called Raqs Sharqi, or Eastern dance.

I fail to see how this matters in the slightest. A rose by any other name is still a rose, right? Maybe if it were translated to something derogatory, then there would be cause for complaint. But belly dancing, or as Jarrar say is properly Raqs Sharqi, actually involves undulations of the torso. It's just a literal name. Besides, this is hardly the first case that a culture has taken a word in another language and changed it to make it easier to remember. Heard of wontons, shampoo, or parka? All these words are anglicized. "Westerners" are not targeting your specific culture, so don't pretend to take it so personally. If "Western" people had kept the original name, you 'd probably bash them for mangling the pronunciation.

It goes the other way around too; in Chinese, the characters for sofa (an English word) are pronounced "sha-fa" and sandwich is "sa-ming-zh." The characters are just used phonetically. If you translated it literally, it would come out as gibberish. The French liked the word "shampoo" so much they adopted it, but French-ized it to be "le shampooing" (and "aprés-shampooing" for conditioner). It's not just "Westerners" that are the criminals (by Jarrar's definition of criminal). All countries do it for the sake of simplicity.

... A white woman came out in Arab drag — because that’s what that is, when a person who’s not Arab wears genie pants and a bra and heavy eye makeup and Arabic jewelry, or jewelry that is meant to read as “Arabic” because it’s metallic and shiny and has squiggles of some kind — and began to belly-dance.

Honey, this is called stereotyping. If you're going to take personal offense at indirect stereotyping, I don't know how you go through life without being offended by something every day. When I went to my Chinese cousin's English lessons years ago, Americans were depicted as pistol-wielding, chaps-wearing, ten-gallon-hat-donning cowboys in her textbook. Dutch people've got their clogs, the Irish are shamrocks and leprechauns, Kenyans have tribal patterned clothes, and Brazilians are scantily-clad revelers. All these stereotypes come from a truth, or what was once a truth. If the world identifies Arabs with beautiful women in genie pants and a bra, that's hardly the worst thing they've associated with Arabs.

She was not a terrible belly dancer. But she was incredibly thin...

I actually didn't have too much of a problem with the article up to this point, because most of what Jarrar said held a grain of truth. But this line was the start of my anger. So, just because she's thin, she's not allowed to dance? Just because she wasn't born with curves, or because she prefers her body to look slimmer, she's not allowed to dance your dance? By Jarrar's logic, girls with cup sizes above C can't dance ballet anymore. Short, slender guys can't dance hip-hop. Tall girls older than 16 can't do gymnastics. Please. Don't ever blame someone's natural body type, something they had zero say in choosing, as the reason why they can't try something new. Judge the girl on her actual belly dancing skills and not the way she's built - and by that, Jarrar actually complements her. Slenderness does not always equal unhealthy diets. There are a lot of thin women out there who wish they weren't, so don't put them down even further and tell them, "No," because of your unfair generalizations on body image

Western, or white women, were beginning to take over gigs in Egypt. These women moved there out of an obsession with belly dance and are now appropriating it from local dancers.

This sounds so hilariously familiar. All the American nationalists who are against immigration, because immigrants are taking up jobs and occupations that the nationalists seem to think belong as a right to those born in the U.S. Do they realize their ancestors, who were immigrants themselves, nearly exterminated the first local population in their rush to stick flags in new ground? Nationalists: those who fear that immigrants will do to them what they/their ancestors did to others. My point is, Jarrar is acting like those nationalists, who seem to think that the people of the culture have a monopoly on who gets to learn, practice, and participate in that same culture. If there's a demand for white belly dancers instead of native belly dancers, what's to stop the "Westerners" from going out there and making bank as the supply? It's sad, yes, that it will take many job opportunities away from Egyptian women, and I feel sympathy for them, but no one ever said life would be fair.


And say "appropriation" one more time. I dare you.

"Would you wear a dashiki and rock waspafarian dreads and take up African dance publicly? Wait,” we’d probably say, “don’t answer that.”

Yeah, actually. Snigger all you want at them, but some people do that. Why? Is it really your business what other people do, as long as they don't hurt anyone else? I took a Ghana workshop in my dance class, and learned the basic steps and the music that accompanied them, but the best part was that our leader put a lot of emphasis on sharing knowledge and awareness. He said when he was growing up in Ghana they were required in elementary school to learn the names and locations of all 50 states of America. Do you know the 47 continental countries of Africa? No? Then stop being a hypocrite and referring to all the different dance styles in Africa as simply "African." Do you even realize you are doing to the continent of Africa what you say others are doing to belly dancing? Do you hear yourself generalizing? "Dashiki" and "dreads" are about as encompassing of the African cultures as genie pants and bras are to yours.

Women I have confronted about this have said, “But I have been dancing for 15 years! This is something I have built a huge community on.” These women are more interested in their investment in belly dancing than in questioning and examining how their appropriation of the art causes others harm.

In your haste to name those women the criminals for being selfish, you yourself are revealed to be even more so. You are clinging to the dance style, practically screeching, "Mine! You can't have it!" These women find pride and happiness and, as they say, a community in a part of your culture; you should be flattered it has had such a positive effect on them (As they say, mimicry is the highest form of flattery). As a person who has struggled nearly all her life in finding a group of reliable and trustworthy friends, I can't help but despise you for trying to take that away from someone else.

And you said appropriation again.


Definitions will always differ, but Wikipedia says that the meaning of "appropriation" in art form is this: In the visual arts, to appropriate means to properly adopt, borrow, recycle or sample aspects (or the entire form) of human-made visual culture. To me, it has a rather neutral connotation here, neither good nor bad. Technically, Jarrar is correct in her usage. But what she has done is to twist it into a crime. News flash: Globalization is a thing and there's no stopping it. There is absolutely nothing wrong in learning about the cultures outside of one's own sphere. In fact, lack of knowledge about other cultures is shameful in today's society. I've read enough of how people like to generalize about the obliviousness of Americans to politics and norms in other countries. In your eyes, the white woman just can't win, can she? If she doesn't know of the nuances of your culture, she is ignorant and disrespectful; if she tries to learn and even integrate herself in it, she is butting in where she shouldn't.

Find another form of self-expression. Make sure you’re not appropriating someone else’s.

There is nothing she can do to self-express, then. If the only culture she can express herself in is her own, then there are so many opportunities for discovery lost, and such a narrow channel to choose from. Besides, are you saying Europeans can't also be Buddhists? Can people of only white descent learn ballet? I hope not, because then you can go ahead and try to tell Misty Copeland to hang up her pointe shoes and only pursue African dances. Dance is about technique, dedication, and yes, self-expression. Not ethnicity or race.

Stop saying that word, I swear. Your objection ought more to be to the misappropriation of the culture where people turn it into something vulgar, demeaning, or offensive. Perhaps those who dress up in skimpy belly dance garb for Halloween. Don't focus on those who actually take it seriously.

This dance form is originally ours, and does not exist so that white women can have a better sense of community; can gain a deeper sense of sisterhood with each other; can reclaim their bodies; can celebrate their sexualities; can perform for the female gaze.

I'm done. I'm so pissed off I don't trust myself to respond to this without including vulgarity.

---

I found a real article and video also responding to this horrible opinion on cultural appropriation:


This article Jarrar wrote could have been an opportunity to span a cultural gap. Instead, she wants maintain the divide. Why? As I've previously stated, globalization is a huge aspect of nearly any society today. People get bored with their own cultures, I know I do. I love learning about the history and values of countries/cultures other than mine, not only because I find it interesting and worth knowing, but so that I don't say the wrong thing and offend people. I think it makes me a better, more rounded person, much like the way students at most colleges are required to take core classes not pertaining to their major. People are to be encouraged to sample other cultures, to learn that it takes all kinds of people to make a world, but those like Jarrar essentially say it is now "appropriation" if one doesn't stay in their lane culturally.

Which is, to put it bluntly, f***ed up.

I understand the need to preserve cultures. I think what Jarrar was trying to do was to protect her heritage (heritage because she was born in Chicago - irony) from becoming a watered down joke, in which case I would have fully supported her. I keep using Chinese examples, and I apologize, but I know I would hate it if the only things the Chinese were remembered for were Chinese New Year, the zodiac, communism, and character tattoos. A lot of people only know what the media tells them about Muslim culture - which isn't very much, or very broad. But Jarrar is attacking the wrong people. Instead of targeting those who are actively diluting her culture - those who think of it only in terms of stereotypes - she criminalizes those who are supporting it in its original form and spreading the proper knowledge. This huge flaw in her argument crumbles the whole thing.

The sharing of art forms - theater, canvas, dance, music - can unite the people on this Earth. It creates understanding among people of different backgrounds. Sing what you can't say, dance to put to physical form the intangible, paint to let others into the pictures in your mind. Ignorance and its promotion should never be supported. If you don't want to learn about the world - fine. That's your prerogative. But don't stifle other people's harmless curiosity.

---

“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is nonexistent.”
- Jim Jarmusch

“It’s not where you take things from - it’s where you take them to."
- Jean-Luc Godard

I am about to board my flight home, so I shall end here:

Reverse racism is still racism.

*steps off soapbox*

Thursday, November 13, 2014

First Winter

Let's talk about something not so serious, for once.

Say, my reaction to my first ever "first snowfall."

I'm a bit late in recording this. The day the snow first started falling - and it's been falling ever since, even as I write - was Monday, around 12:30. I know this because I was extremely sick that weekend (I probably slept for 20 hours on Sunday), so due to that, I decided to skip my Intro to Chemistry class, which goes from 12:00 to 12:50. I feel justified in skipping, because I was still recovering; if I had been in high school my parents would’ve called me in and it would be an excused absence, and I barely take notes in Chemistry anymore. That’s how basic the ideas are.

In any case, after lunch on Monday a friend offered to give me some of her cough medicine that she had, so I headed back to my dorm and over to her room. Cough medicine tastes a lot worse than I remember, but that’s beside the point. I had taken it, and we were just chilling because I was skipping and she didn’t have class, when I noticed some milkweed puffs outside her window.

Yes.

I thought snow was milkweed puffs.

It was about 10 minutes later when I realized it was snow, when I saw it piling up sparsely on the ground.

Monday:
Yesterday:



Before you judge me, I’ve seen snow before. I’ve gone skiing, sledding (both the plastic and dogsled variety), and snowman-building before. I’ve lived with the extreme cold, not the 45° weather back in California, but actual negative digits (albeit not for very long). I didn't know what to look for, though, the day it started snowing, because when I've been in those environments, I arrived when snow was already on the ground. The flakes went along with the setting. This time, the sun was shining, the trees were bright red and yellow and fully still having their leaves, the grass was thriving, and there were girls in skirts and guys in shorts. Cue snow. Without a blanket of white already on the ground, I just couldn't process for the longest time that I was seeing snow and not something more likely with the environment, like milkweed puffs or pillow-filler.

(Because that stuff goes perfectly with the environment instead. I don't know.)

I was properly glued to the window after that. I don't know why my friend didn't even get off her bed to take a look at this school year's first snow.

I've been hearing a lot of comments about out-of-state students ever since it started snowing though. Not very nice comments, either. People who grew up in this kind of snow environment are laughing at others (mostly Californians, I've observed) for being surprised/excited at it. They say things like, "It's a lot colder than you're used to, huh?" and "You signed up for it when you decided to attend here," and "It's so funny watching people react to this snow - I mean, it's just snow." The reason it's pissing me off is because it's patronizing and degrading. Of course I'm going to be excited about snow, I hardly ever get to see it. I'd like to watch you react to an ocean beach, with tide pools and everything you don't get at a lake, and I'll just be standing there letting you know I think your excitement is stupid because I go there twice a week and I've seen it all countless times before.

But still:


Fun fact: foxes have very acute hearing, and sit quietly listening for mice under the snow. When they hear one, they do this peculiar high leap into the air in order to avoid walking on the snow and creating reverberations the mice can hear/feel. Without this (hilarious) leap, it'd be much more likely that the mice would be alerted to the fox's deadly, dignified hunt. I remember learning this a long time ago, and didn't do any research on it today, so forgive me if I messed something up. 

---

Mind-Blowers (Because Why Not):
  • What if gray is just a color we are all colorblind to?
  • You can't change the volume of the voice in your head. YOU CAN SCREAM. You can whisper.  It's all the same volume.
  • Did humans invent or discover math? What about time?
  • The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy. It's italicized. 
  • Which way do cyclops wing their eyeliner?
  • Dog goes woof, cat goes meow, I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust. Cow goes moo, the chemicals
  • Every year, you pass the anniversary of your death without knowing it.
  • A bicycle is an acoustic version of a motorcycle, and bagels are acoustic donuts.
  • What language do deaf people first think in?
  • There's no real reason for the alphabet to be in that order.
  • Bathtubs are reverse boats.
  • You will never invent a new color visible to humans.

---

Thanks to Disney's new movie Big Hero 6, I found a new favorite song,

Top of the World, by Greek Fire


Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Take a Shot for Every Elsa You See (Survivor's Log 2)

A quiet song I've been obsessed with as of late:

Dead Hearts, by Stars


---

I've been working on a short story since last week's post, and it's taking a while. So instead, I decided to post my essay on gender in social constructionism that I mentioned here (It should be in the post literally below this one, but I linked it anyways).

Looking back on it after a week, it's all I can do to keep myself from revising it, removing unnecessary words and phrases, and changing a thought to make it more clear. It seems terribly unorganized now than it did before. But it was a subject I enjoyed writing about - a first for me, even in high school (research papers excluded) - and I like some of the parts very much. I interchanged source names for "x's," to show how many times I had to cite.

So:
Take a Shot for Every Elsa You See

          Media is one of the most powerful methods of perpetuating current social conventions. People are most easily influenced when they are younger. Combine these two factors, and the Disney franchise could easily be one of the most socially influential companies in the world. Many young girls (and some young boys, for that matter) idolize the Disney princesses, and aspire to be like them in looks and/or personality (x). One only has to look at the number of small Elsa’s that will be running around ringing doorbells this Halloween to realize how affected children can be by a film. The first Disney movie, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, is a prime example of how early Disney princess movies incorporated idealized gender roles, and thus indirectly promoted society’s predetermined views on the matter of a proper woman.

          The general story in Snow White is that a jealous queen sentences a beautiful girl to death, simply for being prettier. However, Snow White escapes death by running away, and finds a place to hide. And when she does die in the end, it is her physical beauty that motivates the prince into saving her via “true love’s kiss.” Snow White, for the majority of the movie, is portrayed as innocent, kind, and charming, but also rather oppressed, helpless, fearful, and vapid (x). Physically, she is portrayed as having a slim figure and is wearing a neat and tidy dress. Emotionally, she has a passive personality. She would rather work as a maid in an abusive situation than find a way to better her life, and spends lots of her time daydreaming about when her hero will rescue her from the evil queen’s palace (x). And of course, she would not be a proper Disney princess if she did not collapse crying at some point in the movie (x).

          On the other hand, “Disney transforms the vain, active and wicked woman of folktales into the Femme Fatale, the 'deadly woman' of silent film and of Hollywood classic film” (x). In other words, a strong independent woman, who would be respected as a suitable role model in today’s society (x), was considered the villain and the opposite of a socially accepted woman nearly 80 years ago. Appearances were very important, too – the evil queen in Snow White transforms herself into an old, stooped crone with bad teeth, wiry hair, and frumpy clothes – a far cry from the fair-skinned, youthful Snow White. Disney was implying that the queen was evil not only in personality, but also in the way she dressed, suggesting that a woman must also look the part of a good housewife, and appearances to others in society mattered a great deal (x). Also, as the antagonist of the story, the evil queen opposed everything the pure protagonist stood for, and therefore the traits of the queen –proactivity, cunning, and independence – were dismissed as undesirable because they were associated with “the bad guy.”

          Disney contributed to the 1940’s social construction of gender through these supremely different portrayals. When Snow White came out, the purpose for women in life was to find a suitable husband, and to support him in his endeavors (x). She was not supposed to have her own job or own property, but was expected to stay at home, clean, and raise children (x). In other films in that time period, most women were similar to Snow White in that they waited for the man to act first instead of being proactive themselves. They were not expected to intelligently think for themselves, and if they were ever anything but obedient to what the higher powers ordered, they got into trouble and created a big mess for the men to clean up (x). Snow White is therefore much like the ideal housewife: she cleans without being asked, she follows orders without question, and acts as a mothering figure (as evidenced when she cooks the seven dwarves their meals and scolds them to wash their hands). “This teaches little girls that the perfect beautiful woman stays at home and does housework,” (x) but more importantly, it teaches that an ideal woman never questions anyone about their wrongdoings.

          Disney could have gone against the standard expectations of women. They could have created a heroine with anomalous characteristics that set her apart from “normal” girls. Snow White could have been a shrewd businesswoman, who talks the huntsman out of killing her, instead of running away. She could have been curious and adventurous, and found a way out of the evil queen’s palace without having to rely on a prince to save her. She could have even had some common sense to make the right decisions for herself, and not eaten the apple offered to her by a complete stranger. However, to make decisions for herself would have gone against what was expected of women in the 1940’s; that is, they were expected to stay home and be sexually loyal to only their husband (x), among other things. Men and women, seeing a movie with such an abnormally independent heroine, might have prohibited their daughters from seeing it because it went against the grain of what society deemed acceptable (x). They might have thought that their daughters would start acting independently too, and thus would become social pariahs. Because of that, Disney chose to have an emotionally weak character instead of a strong one. If they had directed a movie with implications and themes no one agreed with, sales would have tanked and the franchise would have closed before it even got started. It is simple business. By catering to the social expectations of their target audience, Disney ensured a massive success and made a huge profit off of their first movie – an impressive feat for a budding company.

          At the time, these portrayals of women as domesticated housewives were beneficial. As a highly influential medium, they taught young girls their expected positions in society, and influenced how they were supposed to behave and think (x). From today’s point of view, though, Snow White can be seen as harmful to the newest generation of women. Today, the emphasis is on how women are capable of being independent, and most of society encourages women to enter job fields dominated by men (x). Social constructions are fluid and constantly shifting (x), and what might have once contributed to the social construction may not anymore. After all, the most popular Disney princess today has no love interest and desires to live independently, and yet one could make a drinking game out of how many little girls look up to and aspire to be her.

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Am I not justified in thinking that I have to cite too many times? Even in the introduction, which I've never had to do before. But as I've said, ever since my TA told me I had to appropriate thoughts to more people, I've been going on citing sprees. I hope it's working, because honestly, sometimes I just add a name to the end of a sentence that has a similar thought to the source. I don't actually draw any inspiration from it.

I am hardly one to give out advice, but I've come up with a method for writing conclusions, which is something I've always struggled with. I imagine myself doing a mic drop after the last sentence. If I can't see myself doing it, it's not strong enough. Silly, yes, but effective.

I kind of took a risk titling it something so sarcastic though. It was almost going to be 'Damsel in Distress,' but I was talking to an old high school friend when writing it, and told her as a joke that I should reference my drinking game sentence. She told me that I should, and I quote, "Totally do it, it'd be so funny." Also, my TA is awesome in that he is nearly as sarcastic as I am (seriously, he's hilarious), so I knew that he wouldn't really mind. So, uh, take risks within reason? Is that a thing? Can it be a thing?

**EDIT: Today was the day of our second exam. I struggled a bit more than with the first, but that's beside the point. We are supposed to turn in our exams to our TA's, and as I gave my exam in, my TA said, "By the way, good job on your essay... Assignment #3, right?" (I nod mutely at this point) "Yeah, I haven't put the grades up yet, but good work."

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Out of the hundreds of essays he had to grade, mine stood out enough for him to remember it. I am so goddamn satisfied with myself. TA, rate me. Judge me. Va-li-date me.

Honestly, I think one of the main reasons why he liked it is because of the title, though. I've seen the titles of some other people's essays, and they're things like 'Sociology Assignment #3.' That's how you title papers in high school. Not in college.

But anyways, I'll just be here, grinning until next week.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Survivor's Log

I realize that I haven't recorded any thoughts on my actual college experience in a long time. This is hardly a convenient time to do it either, because the semester has suddenly kicked into high gear, and for the past two weeks I find myself staying up late every night finishing lab reports and churning out four-page essays. In fact, I don't think there's been a single night this week that I haven't written an essay. It is literally an essay a night.

I find I don't dwell on this enormous workload much, though; I only just realized it when writing it out here. I am used to doing large things in a small amount of time, unhealthy as it is, and I just work through it one day at a time instead of agonizing over the next day's essay. Consequently, I've been getting about 5 hours of sleep a night and I am starting to feel it catching up to me.

Right now I'm working on tonight's essay, Take a Shot for Every Elsa You See, for my Sociology recitation. It's about how gender (or race/ethnicity was the other option) is portrayed in TV and film. I chose to write about gender representation in classical Disney films, and though I am against the idea that Disney purposefully whitewashes, I do agree that in their earliest princess movies the heroines are all rather fearful, helpless, and dependent on someone else to save them. However, I will talk about this topic another time. I would instead like to focus on what the teachers here in college expect to see in my writing.

That is to say, what they expect to see in my paraphrasing of other people's writing.

I like to think that I actually did quite well in the first essay I turned in. I included lots of my opinions on a topic I know well without using the dreaded words "I" or "my," and I think that they were all valid opinions with solid evidence. I created arguments, acknowledged counter-arguments, and then struck those down with another point. I drew on personal experience and past knowledge for the most part, and only quoted and cited others on new information that I needed to know specifically for that paper. However, I got an 85%. And the only notes that were on my paper were cite, cite, don't use contractions, cite.

Let me repeat. I was marked down for not citing other authors as writers my own thoughts.

I would have been perfectly happy with a solid 85% on my first real college essay had I been told a legitimate problem to improve upon. But instead, I lost points for not attaching sources to ideas that stemmed from my own thoughts. I went up to the teacher after class to ask him about how I was supposed to cite my own opinion if I couldn't use "I" and "my" in formal essays, and from what he said, I gathered that he thought I was writing down information from outside articles without citing where they were from, when in fact it was my own opinion I was writing. His advice to me? Include more outside sources. In other words, I feel he did not expect me to think intelligently and independently of other author's ideas.

He's not the only teacher doing this. My dance teacher is a source mania, and expects a minimum of five sources to get a C grade. I've learned here in college that you should be citing everything, even if it's a common sense idea that shouldn't need a source to be accepted as true.

(I proofread just now, and realized that even here, where I am used to using contractions, I've subconsciously stopped in places. I think it's because of all the essays I've been writing where I'm not allowed to use them. It sounds stiff, but I won't change it, because it's psychologically interesting.)

I don't feel as though I'm being taught how to write. I feel like I'm being taught how to cater to a teacher's preference in order to get a good grade.

I would continue to rant, but I want to record other things too, so I will stop there. TL;DR: I understand citing sources improves your ethos, but you shouldn't have to cite every third sentence, as I was expected to have done.

Despite all that, Intro to Sociology is still my favorite class. After that I would have to say Chemistry is my next favorite. Granted, the teachers are dull as heck and take FOREVER to explain a simple concept, but the old ideas are easy to relearn and the new information makes sense quickly. Right now we are learning stoichiometry, which I remember was my favorite unit back in high school. It's always made complete sense to me, right from the beginning, and if the professor assigned optional stoichometry homework I'd probably do it, just for fun. I feel like I can't say that though - I can't say, "I love doing these problems," because there are people surrounding me on all sides saying stuff like, "I hATE stoichometry, I don't get it," and, "This is sooo boring." I don't want to appear as a know-it-all, rubbing my luck at understanding it in their faces. I always felt extremely inferior and awkward in high school when friends did that to me and talked about stuff I didn't understand very well (like advanced maths, or high literature), but I didn't like to cut them off because they clearly enjoyed talking about a subject they were good at. It wasn't their fault, but it was always disheartening on my part, not being able to contribute anything intelligent. I dislike not knowing.

Even though I am a biology major, the Gen. Bio class I'm taking is also dull as heck. I don't want to learn that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, or that fats consist of a glycerol backbone with three fatty acid chains. I don't want to learn that mitosis produces two daughter cells while meiosis produces four. I don't want to learn THAT kind of biology. Rather, I want to learn about specific animal species. I want to examine how they evolved to fit their environment, what features make them special. I want to go out into the field and study what those boring cells come together and create. They say start small, but cells are TOO small. Next year the required class is Ecology; let's hope that's more interesting.

Sadly, my least favorite class is the one I was looking forward to the most: Intro to Dance and Culture. It is partly my fault for signing up for a class with a curriculum I didn't understand very well, but I was under the impression we would be actually learning how to dance. Instead, we are assigned readings and essays on step style and palm play and other terminology. I did not want to learn terminology. I wanted to learn choreographed dances, where you know the steps really well so you don't stand there wavering, but instead pour your energy into moving. Workshops are like the former; if the dance style even gets the honor of getting a workshop, it's only for one day, and you're basically stumbling around the entire time with your head cranked to the side, trying to watch what the leader is doing, instead of facing forward and confident in how you're supposed to be moving.

Plus, we are required to pay money to see plays and performances. REQUIRED to spend additional money on tickets I didn't know I would have to be buying. The performances I've been required to see and write essays on so far were relatively interesting, but I can think of a whole host of things I would rather buy with $15. Allow me to be whiny and say that I don't think that's fair.

Socially, things are dead. I no longer regret not having a roommate as much, but I still wish I could meet more people who don't intimidate me and have interests similar to mine. I've joined Quidditch, but we don't hang out outside of practice (I think a HP marathon would be a great idea to get to know one another better) and all other clubs I'm interested in meet during my lecture hours. My dorm is very quiet and unfriendly too; people rarely come out of their rooms. In high school, I had a best friend, two or three close friends, maybe a dozen plain friends, and then a whole host of acquaintances I could comfortably talk to but would not hang out with outside of school.

Here, I can count - one, two - five people that I consider friends or acquaintances, and could imagine talking to outside of class, if at all. That's it. I don't know ANYONE else, largely because the majority of the people here migrated from nearby high schools, and I'm not about to approach a group of obviously long-term and close friends who are laughing about some inside joke. But more so because the majority of these people were clearly what was considered "popular" in high school: They are stylish, confident people with perfect makeup and trendy clothes, who obviously get invited out a lot, who just have that look of being at the top of the social ladder. I, on the other hand, am painfully socially anxious; I can't comfortably approach people like that. Unfortunately, they're what I see everywhere.

On the other hand, I've already (jokingly) insulted the clothing of a friend as being hideously ugly, and with me that basically means I'm about as comfortable with you as I'm ever going to get.

That just about covers everything I can think about. I've been bringing Blood of Olympus to dinner as of late, in order to reread it. It makes me happy, reading again. With no supply of good fictional books, I'm spending a lot of my time on my computer, and I'm aware of and unhappy about it.

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"Windmills," designed and animated by Guillaume Bergère, Guillaume Coudert, Maria Glinyanova, Bruno Guerra, Charlotte Jammet, at Georges Méliès school.


This short film was the winner of Best Animated Film Festival: Boston SCI-FI (Boston, 2012)

If you don't understand French, what they are saying is:

"We have enough time to leave!"
"I'm staying with your mother. Leave without us. Go away."
"I don't want to go without you!"

I love the art style *-*

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Compilations

This week has been way too hectic to focus on one single topic. All my time has been devoted to classes, eating, sleeping, and writing last-minute abstracts and essays. So instead, I will include below a bunch of stuff that I've thought of/done/read this past week. The point is, to me, is that I feel as though I'm not getting much done, I'm not thinking of things outside of class, but the amount of things I want to record in the moment is overwhelming.

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Below are 10 songs from 10 genres. Are you in the mood for:

Soundscape music:
Home (Ki:Theory Remix), by Odeza
Post-Hardcore music:
Restart, by Chunk! No, Captain Chunk! >EXPLICIT<
Electro music:
Acid Wolfpack, by Coyote Kisses
Throwback music:
Do You Remember, by Jay Sean
Vintage-Throwback music:
Why Should I Worry, by Billy Joel
Guilty Pleasure music:
Cotton Eye Joe, by Rednex
K-Pop music:
Fantastic Baby, by BigBang
Baroque music:
Prelude No. 21 in B-flat Major (Ends at 1:22, but then Fugue No. 21 starts)
Chill music:
Hideaway, by The Flavr Blue
Surprise me:
link

I realize there are a LOT more songs than usual. Just think of it as juke-box style.

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Interesting Websites/Articles:
Damn Interesting - This website is - surprise, surprise - full of extremely interesting articles about a wide variety of subjects. Topics can range from weather phenomenon to potato weapons to women who give birth to rabbits. Curiosity piqued? Check it out.

Reading the Mind in the Eyes - I was researching evidence for a sociology essay about social classes, and came across this test. It shows you a picture of a person's eyes and nothing else, and has you guess (multiple choice) what the person is feeling. Apparently people from lower classes are better at guessing the emotions. The link takes you to a research project at Harvard, but the test was originally designed by Simon Baron-Cohen (et al) at Cambridge University.

Debate - This website has lots of forums, where a (usually controversial) question is asked, and people write comments defending the side they support. The ones I've scanned thus far are the death penalty, abortion, homosexuality, and if religion's history and beliefs should be taught (key word taught, NOT observed) at school.

Honestly, people here at college seem to prefer casual talk all the time when outside of class. Which is fine, but I also want to discuss and construct meaningful, well thought-out conversations about more serious issues than what we should do Saturday night and whether the hall irritant should be put in his place. Right now, Debate is as close as it gets.

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Things That Make Me Irrationally Happy
-Heavy subwoofers
-The color blue
-Tumbr screenshots
-Seashells
-A small hot cider from the Weather Tech Cafe
-Feathers
-Rabbits (I should explain, they're everywhere on campus, as common as the squirrel, and that's not how the Bay Area is. So each time I see one, it's like - WHOA LOOK A RABBIT OMG)
-Concert Tickets
-Recommending music to people
-Haircuts where you can feel the absence of weight (I love long hair, but my hair is annoyingly long right now, and it's tedious taking care of it)
-Black clothing
-DIY air fresheners
-Cute snow-winter outfits
-and by extension, beanies
-Listening to hardstyle at maximum volume
-The smell of new books
-Knitted boot cuffs
-EDM laser shows
-Cold air in the morning
-Combat boots
-Cloves in oranges
-Small potted dorm succulents (Guess what I got at Home Depot today?)
-Ice water
-Deciduous trees
-Detail-planning big trips
-Becoming known as the girl who knows good songs from any genre
-I would say hot guys, but that's not really irrational, is it

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Things I've Noticed About Myself
-I'm very detail-oriented. I do well when editing sentence phrasing and switching out words for a more intellectual substitute, but I don't instinctively first focus on idea organization and argument strength. I also compulsively straighten things so they line up like they're on a grid - it looks a lot neater that way (I'm hardly saying I have OCD, that's not a word to throw around lightly).
-I really don't care if I walk around alone anymore.
-I own a lot of really bland clothing, but I'm too afraid to get a more daring shirt if it catches my eye.
-Without a file cabinet, my papers have gone everywhere, and I'm not doing anything trying to find a new organizational method.
-I'm a lot more into the punk music/look than I thought I'd ever be. I mean, I always thought punks looked really cool, and I wished I could look like them from an early age, but I never had a reason to. Now that I listen to the music, I've gotten to that phase subconsciously. Sixth grade me would be so happy (even though I still don't self-identify as punk/emo).
-No matter how early I want to go to bed, I don't sleep until past 2 AM. Every night.
-I get surprised when strangers do nice things.
-Due to a lack of fictional books in the university library, I barely read real books anymore.
-I get a thrill when I know something else is fully dependent on me, and my time spent caring for that thing skyrockets (i.e. my new succulents).
-I'm always listening to music when I'm alone, and thinking back on it, I've realized I see it as time wasted if I'm alone and I'm not listening to music.
-I was very good at managing my to-do list at the beginning of the year, but now I'm getting more reluctant to cross items off that list, while more are added every day.
-I have a habit of actively chipping at my nail polish at the first sign of a natural chip.

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"The cure for cancer or AIDS can be stuck in the mind of the baby you want to abort! How can you be so selfish as to take away that possibility?" The cure for cancer or AIDS could also be stuck in the mind of a teenage girl, who now has to give up her freedom, body, and education to raise an unwanted baby. Also, the chances that the child, growing up on a limited budget and a stressed environment, will have access to top-notch education are very slim.

Besides, the mind of a serial killer could be stuck in the baby you want to abort. The initiator of World War III could be stuck in the mind of the baby you want to abort. "The potential for evil is just as strong as the potential for good. Osama bin Laden, Charles Manson and Adolf Hitler were once cute little babies too." (IMS) If you want to read the rest of the article where I got my backup, go here.

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"I believe that the risk posed by pit bulls is equivalent to placing a loaded gun with the safety off on the coffee table." "In my opinion, these dogs should be banned." "There is no need for pit bulls." "...I ... think that pit bulls should be banned... because hundreds of people have been killed by a breed that is responsible for a majority of attacks, despite making up a minority of the dog population." (First three quotes - link. Last quote - link.)

This makes me furious.

I worked at an animal adoption center for two years when I still lived in the Bay Area, and by far the most common dogs given up for adoption were pit bull mixes and Chihuahuas. My favorite was a mix named Bella, who has the most beautiful hazel eyes you could imagine. She was very young, and liked to play rough, so the center tagged her as purple, which means only the most experienced dog owners were allowed to adopt her. Zeus, on the other hand, had an endearing habit of plopping himself down on my lap whenever I sat down on the ground. The numb legs were worth the trust. He was also purple, for no reason other than the fact he was a pit bull and therefore very strong. The last I saw them, both dogs had been up for adoption for over a year, in a place where most dogs get adopted within a month, depending on their breed.

Do you want to ban those dogs, too? The ones who didn't do anything?

If you actually did your research, you'll find that the media likes to propagate the myth that all pit bulls are dangerous animals only owned by those who like aggressiveness and violence, when in fact, they don't even know what a pit bull is. They often guess at the breed, and generalize "pit bull type." That means a whole lot of dogs of different breeds transfer their actions to the pit bull. In fact, there technically is no such breed as "pit bull." There is only the American Pit Bull Terrier. However, I will continue to use the term "pit bull" because it is faster to write.

You never hear from the media, "YORKIE GONE WILD!" "JACK RUSSELL TURNS ON FAMILY!" because who would want to read a story like that? Even though those incidents happen, no one wants to hear about ankle-biters, but smaller dogs can actually be more aggressive than bigger dogs. Because their bites usually don't have to be medically treated, they go unreported, thus skewing the reported statistics. According to a study published in the journal Applied Animal Behavior Science, dog families were surveyed instead of using stats from medical records, and it was found that Dachshunds were the most aggressive breed, followed by Chihuahuas and Jack Russell Terriers. But somehow, people understand that not all Dachshunds are aggressive and therefore shouldn't be banned? Is it because of the physical aesthetics?

Many websites like Dogsbite.org like to claim that pit bulls make up less than 5% of the dog population, but then contribute to a third or even a half of dog bite related fatalities. But there's no way to really know that for sure. Other, less biased websites claim that pit bulls make up around 30%-40% of the dog population, which means there are around 5.3 million pit bulls in the U.S. However, there is no annual census on dog populations, so we'll never know for sure. But looking around the places I've visited and seen, pit bulls are far more common than just 5%.

I found a morbidly funny comparison that is like to the fact that you are more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark, and it is this: Each year, 350 people drown in their bathtubs. You are 151 times more likely to be killed by your bathtub than you are by a pit bull. On a more serious note, here is a more stilling comparison: It is at least a half a million times more likely that a pit bull will be killed by a HUMAN than the other way around, whether by being shot by police/citizens, or by euthanasia in adoption centers.

Do people even realize how other tamed animals are also responsible for human deaths every year? Why aren't there articles demonizing other domestic pets? Horses are one ton walking death machines. One well placed blow from a hoof can instantly end a person's life. Even a little tread on the toes can break bones. But I've grown up with horses, and the number one thing you first learn is how to read a horse. You are taught not to run around them, not to approach them from blind spots, make noises to let them know you're there. When people are injured by horses, I will therefore be much more likely to blame the victim for their predicament, because it's likely that the horse reacted out of self-defense because of a mistake the human made. You don't euthanize a horse because it kicked out and broke someone's leg. If a horse pins his ears, you back off. If a dog shows his teeth, you back off. I will not say it is the victim's entire fault, because that's just pouring salt in the wound, but it is a rare animal, with every sign of mental health, that will attack without provocation. 

There are no incidents to date of a spayed/neutered indoor family pit bull ever having killed anyone. Don't pick and choose at your statistics.

The media makes money off of reporting negative-connotation stories. It's the ones like this that never make it to the light. Earn the loyalty of a dog, and they will protect you with their lives, regardless of breed.

For every American Pit Bull Terrier who kills, there are hundreds of thousands who don't. Judge the animal, not the breed.

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I've named my Echeveria Lola plant Tibet, and the ones grouped together in a pot Frodo, Sam, and the biggest one is divided into two - Merry and Pippin.

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I wrinkle my nose at the salsa brands in a grocery store. Despite growing up in China, my mom makes the best salsa and guacamole I've ever tasted. She makes it properly, like the salsa you find in burritos, where the tomatoes, cilantro, and onions are diced and not blended together. She adds just the right amount of salt, pepper, and lemon juice, and it's the best thing in the world. For the sake of snack variety, I got tortilla strips and a jar of salsa at the store yesterday, but the salsa is all gross and blended and lumpy, and it's the most unappetizing color. I read the ingredients, and they added SUGAR and WATER. No wonder it's so runny and and the taste is so diluted.

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AYEEEEE THE BLACKLIGHT RUN IS NEXT WEEK.