Running Amok

As senior year goes on, I find myself caring, in various and wildly fluctuating degrees, less about what happens. Or more. As I said, it fluctuates. I'm drawing in more from strangers, and expanding my boundaries for close friends. One of my past posts, 10 Myths About Introverts, talked about common misconceptions of the socially awkward. But I want to draw slight attention to Myth #4: They can count the number of close friends on one hand. It's my senior year, I've given up on making anymore true friends, so I've just focused on strengthening the friendships I do have, because I fully intend on making the best ones last my entire life.

“It's not all bad. Heightened self-consciousness, apartness, an inability to join in, physical shame and self-loathing—they are not all bad. Those devils have been my angels. Without them I would never have disappeared into language, literature, the mind, laughter and all the mad intensities that made and unmade me.” Stephen Fry

Mad intensities? Do breakdowns count? And I don't think I'm at the point where those devils became my angels. Yep, they're pretty much still my devils. But I agree, "they are not all bad." I do not dislike the solitude I am often confronted with, but neither do I believe that I can go extended periods without contact. A book sort of meets in the middle - I am completely alone, physically, but am surrounded by fictional friends. A perfect compromise. So I guess I am, to some degree, thankful for my "devils" - they gave me the books I treasure so much.

 “Solitude is a chosen separation for refining your soul. Isolation is what you crave when you neglect the first.” Wayne Cordeiro

Isolation is... what you desire when you.... ah, ok, that one took me a bit to understand. Ok, sure, everyone needs their alone time to sit and be. I guess the reason that took me so long is that I dislike just sitting blankly without something to occupy myself with. Even when hiking, I am content to sit because I can listen. Here's a tip, if you're interested: if you close your eyes long enough in an environment with just enough noise, the world gets a lot closer, somehow, with none of the claustrophobia. I think it has a much nicer effect in a natural environment, but if you like concrete jungles better, hey, that's your thing.

“As the new work fills my notebooks, I've come to realize that the characters in my stories were so real because I really did want to get close to people, I really did want to know them. It was just easier to do it on paper, one step removed.” Charles de Lint

TRUTH.

I've done a lot of self-examination throughout my angsty teenage years, and I have concluded that, though I call myself introvert, I actually can't stand being alone. Isolation scares me, especially in a setting where it seems no one else is as alone as you are. I guess dealing with it has taken the form in stories. My protagonists are always perfect: strong, badass, the witty comment always on the tip of the tongue. Essentially, what I flatter myself to be a perfect me. The more I created ( I can't say wrote, I've rarely finished any of the stories), I realized that these were all Mary Sue's and that that was kinda bad. I try to create characters now with flawed choices and imperfect personalities. I guess I do create my own friends sometimes.

“You are the salt of the earth. But remember that salt is useful when in association, but useless in isolation.” Israelmore Ayivor

In all seriousness, I'm not quite sure what this exactly means. I think it might be dissing introverts, though. Sounds cool. Have it.

So this was basically an excuse to save interesting quotes I've compiled over the span of a couple days. I'm tired.

Here is evidence of my imagination run amok.

A good song recommended by a good friend: Kryptonite, by Three Doors Down. The actual music video's a bit weird, in my opinion; if you truly want to see it, it's somewhere on YouTube.